The intention for this blog is not for me to go into detail about the hundreds of crazy and naughty sexual experiences I have had. What I am going to focus on here is what I am presently going through which is called ‘Sexual Healing’. But before we get to that I have to take you back to where it all began…
I was quite shy growing up as I had quite low self-esteem, thinking I was fat and ugly, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror naked. I was very much seen as an ‘Angel’ child being a good Catholic girl too…ha…yes we all know what happens to them! I was quite shy with boys and only experienced my first kiss when I was 15 and he rejected me after I wouldn’t give him a blowjob…which I was afraid of doing because I simply had no idea…yes I was frigid! Very hard to believe now…I think from that moment on I told myself then that I would become a pro a blowjobs!
At 16 I got involved in a very sexual and abusive relationship. Due to its sexual nature I learned the basics of sex and my confidence grew in this area. I also realised the power sex had over men, and how it made me feel safe and in control. After coming out of that relationship I found myself being very noticed by men and I became what people call a ‘player’. Sleeping with men left right and centre, even having a tally and my friends would ask me ‘what number are you up to now?’. It was just a game for me, a bit of fun, I had no emotional attachment to men and I didn’t want to either… the sex was meaningless and not very memorable. Over the course of 10 years my life consisted of a lot of sexual relationships and I would date and sleep with hundreds of men. I got heavily involved with Swingers parties and even running them at one point. I was having sex with couples, men and women… being extremely kinky and adventurous (yes you can imagine the stories….). I made quite a name for myself within the swingers world and I loved it…my life revolved around sex and swinging as I was able to be completely sexually open without anyone judging me..instead they embraced me. Being a single, sexually open girl in this world I became very popular especially with couples…I was a ‘unicorn’ and I loved this feeling..I felt important, respected and noticed. A friend at the time suggested to me that I should start seeing couples and get paid for it. Well I thought, why not? So I posted up an ad on an Escort website that I would only see couples. My first booking was 3hrs with a lovely couple in their 40s. I had an amazing time and made $1100… wow… that was a lot of money for me at the time!
Not long after that, on Xmas Eve, I got invited to Swingers parties at a Brothel during the day. I thought it would be a great venue to check out for me to run a swingers party at…so along I went. The party was very quiet but I got to spend all afternoon talking to the Madam who took a liking to me straight away. I had always thought that you had to look like a supermodel to be an escort and that I couldn’t do it because I would never be good enough. But as I met the girls and saw they were all different types, ages, sizes etc, I realised that guys would actually pay me for sex… woah I have been giving it away all this time!!?? As it got later, clients started coming in and as we were all having a few drinks and they starting asking to book me. I told them I didn’t work there but the Madam said if I felt okay to see them that I could. Well by the end of the night I had seen 3 clients and made over $900! This was so easy. The next day was Xmas and had been invited back to spend it with the Madam at the parlour. Well that was certainly an experience… Xmas at a Brothel!! I was then offered me a job as a Manager helping set up an escort agency. After thinking about it, I realised that I really wanted to give escorting a go first…just for a week to help me pay off some debts and get me ahead…ha…just one week..yeah right! The Madam sent me to Kalgoorlie for a week to work as an escort but also to handle escort calls for the other girls and it was an awesome experience…partying every night and leaving with $8000. Wow. After this I didn’t want to go back to work at the Parlour for $1500 a week working 50 hours… I preferred to work for $500 an hour three hours a week privately. Claudia Jade L’Amore (CJ) was born.
Over three years later I had, had the most crazy and interesting experiences of my life as a High Class Escort… I have travelled all over the country, made so many new friends with both escorts and clients, mentored other girls into becoming escorts themselves, I have learned so much and I have in different ways helped a lot of people through doing this work. I found also that I started to really value my body and what I could do with it. I know that sounds ironic but it made me realise what I had been giving away for so many years was actually worth something. I went from feeling as though I was so fat and ugly and couldn’t look at myself naked in the mirror to being very comfortable being paid to provide services where I am naked! I stopped the swinging and having sex outside of work all together. I actually couldn’t bring myself to give it away anymore unless I felt a real connection to someone.
Although there have been many amazing times, I felt with this work also came with a lot of sacrifice. I hadn’t had a solid relationship the whole time I have been working. Not many men seemed to accept that you are sleeping with other men for a living. Also I didn’t want to be distracted by a relationship and although I had some men come in to my life that I felt for, I would sabotage and push them away. I was so afraid of getting emotionally involved with someone who would love me for what was underneath my body and sex…for the real me.
In April 2013 I had an interview with a Porn Director…yes..I was considering becoming a Pornstar… But I had just met a man who I felt the most intense connection I had ever experienced. This messed me up so much that my life took a sudden turn and and instead I went through a spiritual awakening. It was one of those ‘sliding doors’ moments. What I realised was that for so many years I was using sex to feel good about myself and my body, to feel popular, important, noticed and what that all really was, was my ego being validated. To the outside world it seemed I had a dream life hosting sexy parties and partying with pornstars! But I realised that my happiness only came from outside experiences and it wasn’t real. Underneath I actually felt unlovable and worthless hence why I made myself so busy with all this ‘stuff’. This way I didn’t have to feel any real connection to anyone and what was really going on inside – the unworthiness, the pain, shame and fear. I realised I had been living my whole life in ego! It was May 2013 when I came to this ‘awakening’ and my real healing began….