A few weeks ago I was held by a man like I had never been held before.
When I say ‘held’ I don’t mean physically, although that also happened.
After having dinner and chatting for hours, I asked him how he was feeling and he expressed his desire to be more close to me physically.
I instantly when into feeling like a 15 year old school girl who was about to be kissed by the boy she likes!
Before I would feel completely open to him touching me, I needed to express my vulnerabilities.
I expressed the imagining that I had that I needed to appear to be amazing in bed because I am a sex coach and thinking that he may expect me to perform or please him in a certain way.
I expressed that I didn’t want to be in a teacher role with him, when really I am just so longing to let go of the need to do that and to just surrender.
I also expressed that my boundary was to not have sex with him yet.
He fully listened and honoured all of this and then his expressed his own vulnerabilities to me, which made me feel so safe.
It was a beautiful safe feeling to be fully heard in our vulnerabilities and boundaries before even touching, which created a deeper level of intimacy.
And then I said ‘I know I am just talking to feel safe now, so I think you better touch me’
Then he kissed me… softly, slowly, passionately. Mmmm.
He then placed one hand on the back of my heart and one on the front and he held my heart whilst deeply, slowly breathing, which felt like it was being channelled from his heart into mine.
I completely surrendered in that moment, as I had this indescribable feeling of having my heart held.
My heart felt not only safe and supported, but completely honoured and seen as my body relaxed and I melted into his arms and let go of any of the fears or insecurities I had.
It was like a moment in time stopped and nothing else mattered.
Just to be held in such a loving, honouring way without any expectations was divine.
It was an incredibly heart-opening experience.
The only thought I had was ‘all women need to experience this’.
I realised that this is what my heart and my feminine had been longing for, for so long.
I then felt my yoni become so activated and aroused just by him holding me in this loving way.
We spent the next few hours exploring complete and utter surrender.
It was an incredibly tantric experience, however there was no ‘let’s do this practice or that practice’, it was just a natural flow between us, where I surrendered to the pleasure I was feeling in my body and held me through it.
At one point he was on top of me, hip to hip breathing from his sacral chakra into my sacral chakra, my kundalini energy became so activated – still with all of our clothes on!
I had no idea what he was doing or how he was doing it, but it felt like I was being energetically penetrated as my whole body became fully orgasmic.
I cheekily whispered into his ear ‘what are you doing to me?’
He said ‘I have no idea really, but I can feel your pain there’
I knew what he was feeling into was all the years I had dishonoured my yoni and rejected my feminine energy, it literally felt like he was clearing blocks in my sacral chakra and sexual healing me as my yoni opened and activated my heart.
The whole thing was an incredibly profound experience.
I know this man is a natural sexual healer and that we are now on a healing journey together through a conscious exploration of intimacy.
From the moment I met him I knew there was a big journey here.
A long time ago I told myself that I would run a couple’s event when the right man came into my space for me to share this with, so it was no surprise that in the week before this experience with him that I had the insight to run a couple’s tantra weekend!
He then offered to help me and asked me if it would be okay for him to teach some practices to the men to help them embody their masculine energy and that we could then do a ritual around men holding space and women surrendering.
Of course, I said yes, that would be amazzzzzing!
I want both men and women to be able to experience the feeling of having their heart held.
I have held this man’s heart too and made it safe for him to express his emotions.
I’ll share more about this soon also!
At the couple’s tantra weekend I will be teaching both men’s and women’s sexuality.
We will teach practices on holding space for women to surrender, but also on women holding space for men too and how they can do this from a feminine space.
I know that what we going to teach is something that couple’s are longing for in not just their sex lives, but their whole relationship.
As I said at the start, words cannot describe the feeling of having your heart held and the way that then opens your body up and activates your sex centre.
If you want to come along to the couple’s weekend, which is at the end of October, please see the event info here
If you are not a couple or wish to do this work on your own first, I also have separate women’s and men’s events, programs and sessions on all of this. Please contact me to discuss your needs xx