So after a couple of days of processing and integrating I wanted to share my experience of Vagina Mapping I had the other day. I have previously had my vagina dearmoured twice before and have self-dearmoured which I felt was very similar to vagina mapping. The after effects of these practices were phenomenal! Before them I was feeling a bit bored with sex, like it was ‘work’ and only having clitoral orgasms. But after it I was getting excited about sex and I mean super crazily excited, like my inner sex goddess had been awoken from her slumber and I had wondered we she had been all my life! I felt like I got my groove and mojo back… but better than ever before!! I also started experiencing different types of orgasms!
How I kinda see that mapping and dearmouring works is almost like reflexology for the vagina. It pushes on different points inside that release emotional blockages generally linked to shame and guilt which cause pain and numbness and act as armour. So over time this can build up hence why we start to feel less pleasure. I wanted to do another session because I knew there was more clearing to do and even though there are amazing practices we can do on ourselves, practitioners and partners can find places that we can’t. I chose a male practitioner for this session purely because I am wanting to create more safe experiences with men and also because I knew it would bring more stuff up for me.
Before the session we spoke about my intention and decided to focus on clearing sexual shame and guilt. We started with a light body massage then moving into yoni massage. I had set the intention for the session that it was for healing and clearing blockages in my vagina that were causing me numbness and pain. During the massage there was g-spot massage and as I started to get aroused I noticed my body shutting it down and even disassociating from it. He could tell and asked me how I was feeling and I said that I was feeling like I was trying not to tense and let go but I was worried I would orgasm, because the intention of the session was not for pleasure.
He talked about how we do receive a lot of healing from pleasure and that they don’t have to be separate, of course I know this myself being a sexual healer!
He said ‘So what if you did orgasm?’
And then what came out of my mouth was ‘well I would feel ashamed’. This was a very interesting response for me to notice!
Then he asked ‘So what if you just surrendered to pleasure?’
I said ‘I would be out of control.’
As soon as I said I thought to myself, but I don’t want to be out of control! That would be scary! Usually I am the one who is facilitating the session. I realised that I didn’t trust that men could hold this space for me, that they could hold my surrender. I wasn’t allowing myself to to feel this pleasure, because I was afraid to let go, I was afraid to be out of control.
So he said ‘what would happen if you were out of control?’
‘I would be vulnerable.’
‘What would be possible if you were vulnerable?’
I thought to myself it would be Freedom. Ecstatic Pleasure. Feeling. Being. Receiving! Yes please!!
Oh wow.. Lots of insight already and we hadn’t even got into the mapping part!
We then moved into the mapping. This is where he moved his fingers around in a clock where he pressed on different points where there were blockages and there was usually numbness leading into pain and he would release it as I was sounding it out with heavy breathing, moaning out and screaming into a towel when it got more painful! Although it was painful at times, it would not be for long and I knew the profound effects it would have after were so totally worth it!
After the session we sat down and looked at what else needed to be cleared around sexual shame and guilt using a healing modality called spiral. We also shifted beliefs so that I felt okay to surrender to pleasure! I really loved that he brought the bodywork and this technique together.
I knew this week there would be big things come up for me to feel, clear and release. This morning I sat on the beach and I cried and I cried. It was all linked to self-worth and a feeling of not belonging. Of course this is directly linked to shame.
OH SHAME SHAME SHAME – I really have a love, hate relationship with you!!
Shame always shows me more of what I need to love about me. When we recognise it, it can be a gateway to love, acceptance and belonging.
I know that healing shame is a huge part of my message and teachings. The more we heal our shame, the more we feel worthy of love, pleasure, abundance and the more we feeling belonging and acceptance, something we are all deep down seeking in one way or another.
So who knows what else will happen this week, I can’t wait to have sex!!
I also teach self-dearmouring in my free 7 Day Sexual Healing Challenge, please click here to join.
I hope you are really ready to step into healing shame, stepping into worthiness and feeling ecstatic joy and pleasure! 😉